The Race Ends….But Running Doesn’t

I’ve always been a huge fan of the movies. Some people love comedies, others like serious drama films, and still others get a thrill from a well-made horror flick.  Me?  I’m a fan of movies that contain an underdog.  Movies where the main character gets knocked down time and again, and then rises to fight on.  Movies like Invincible (the film that told the story of a local Philly guy that actually made the Philadelphia Eagles), Miracle (the Disney flick that told the story of the 1980 US Hockey Team), The Rookie (another Disney flick about a guy that makes a professional baseball team in his late 30’s), and Rudy (of course – the ultimate underdog film….go Irish).  In each of these movies, the main character(s) did four specific things: they set a huge goal, they worked/ trained hard to achieve it, they got up every time they were knocked down or bloodied, and they didn’t quit even after they felt the sting of defeat.  These are the characteristics of a good athlete, a solid parent, and a competent leader.  On Saturday, I had a goal, I did train hard to achieve it, and I felt the sting of defeat as I inured my knee somewhere between laps 4 & 5 or 5 & 6 (it’s all a darn blur).  The good thing is, I’ll get up after this knockdown.

The New York City 60k is run annually, 2 weeks after the TCS New York City Marathon.  It’s 37.2 miles – 9 laps of Central Park.  It’s a tough race – the chill in the air, the unpredictable weather, the repetition of terrain, the feeling of solitude in the late laps as others finish while the back-of-the-packers soldier on, and those Central Park hills add up to make this one rough yet rewarding athletic experience.  It is a well-supported race, and I would recommend it to people looking for a challenging ultra marathon in the New York City area.  I’ve already put this race once again on my calendar for 2018 – I’m not going to stop until I finish this one.

When I rowed crew in college, I recall one thing that Coach Steve used to tell us after a race where we did well but did not come in first.  I recall him looking at the four of us, sitting in our shell exhausted, and saying “OK – third place.  Well done.  Just remember: you didn’t lose.  There is no such thing as losing.  It’s either you win or you learn.  Period.” That stuck with me, and it still rings true to this day.  I lost.  OK – what did I learn?

  • I need to drop more weight – if there’s less of me to drag around for 37.2 miles, the whole race will be a bit easier.
  • I need to log more average miles on the weekend, at a slightly slower pace.  I have to embrace what I’ve told a bunch of first time marathoners: slow is smooth and smooth is fast.
  • I have to let an injury heal, and stop being so impatient.
  • On rest days, focusing on diet and not caving in to a craving for Oreos counts as training.
  • Five hours sleep a night just isn’t enough.

The cool thing is, last weekend’s races are over….but the sport of running never ends.  It’s there whenever you need it.




Thoughts on the 2017 TCS New York City Marathon

I’ve said this before, and I’ll say it again: the first Sunday in November is the single greatest day of the year in New York City.  Period.

Marathon Week begins the prior Sunday, with the annual Poland Spring 5 miler held in Central Park.  This is followed up with a week’s worth of events for kids, spectators and runners alike.  Then the Expo opens up at the Javits Center the Thursday before the race…and there is no larger marathon expo in the world than the huge running party through on the west side of Manhattan over a four-day span.  50,000 runners swing by to pick up their bibs and swag.

The Friday before race day, the Parade of Nations is held along the west side drive near Tavern on the Green.  Over 100 nations are represented in the awesome 5 borough black party, and the festivities are capped off with a pretty impressive fireworks display at the finish line.  Once this parade is over, the New York Road Runners host their annual Night of Champions…and the guest list reads like a who’s who of runner.  From last year’s new York City Marathon winners, to Bill Rodgers, Shalane Flanagan, the one and only Meb, and a whole host of other running elites – they all show up to help raise money for the New York Road Runners kids running programs.  I was lucky enough to score a ticket to this shindig, and it did not disappoint.


Saturday morning, the annual Dash to the Finish is held, where runners can start a 5k in front of the United Nations, held down 42nd Street to 6th Avenue, hang a right and head north to Central Park, where the race finishes across the marathon finish line.

Sunday morning begins rather early, as some of the runners’ transportation from Manhattan to the runners village in Staten Island begins at 5am.  So runners are up and out early, knowing that the first wave of the race goes off 4+ hours later.  (A quick note to anyone thinking about running this race: the city of New York is basically shutting down for this 26.2 mile block party.  So yes – you are asked to get up really early to start your trek to Staten Island. And yes – once you get to Staten Island there will be a rather vigorous security check before you are let in.  And yes-  once you are in, you’ll have to hunker down and wait a while before you get to run.  And yes – it’s windy and usually cold in the village as you wait.  So please – accept these things as part of the overall experience, because the juice is worth the squeeze.)

Race morning was a bit chilly and damp.  I was worried about the rain, as I never really had to run this race while having to deal with more than the two usual elements: wind and cold.  Those two are not a surprise – each year I show up to the starting line a bit more prepared for those challenges.  Rain, on the other hand, would make this race a bit more challenging for me.  I was running with Team for Kids, so the charity tent came in handy!


I started with Wave 4, at around 10:55am.  The first mile is a 200 climb up the Varrazanno Bridge, and runners usually get to view the Manhattan skyline very clearly here.  This morning, however, the fog kept that view from us.  The first mile should be run easily and under complete control, as runners need to deal with the exposure to a pretty strong, cold cross-wind as they head to Brooklyn.  However, I watched as runners around me took off like jackrabbits.  As the saying goes: “Let the Kenyans go….we’ll meet again at mile 18….”.

Mile 2 rewards you for the climb with a nice downhill into Brooklyn.  (A quick note hear: run in the middle lanes of the bridge, if you start on its lower deck.  If you don’t know why, I’ve leave you a hint….it has something to do with full bladders and a lack of port-o-crappers on the span of the bridge, along with 35,000 runners directly above you…..I’ll wait for that to sink in a bit…….ok – you got it?  Good.  Moving on…)  By mile 3, runners are thrown on to 4th Avenue in Brooklyn.  Here is where the party starts.  Even with the mist / drizzle coming down, people came out to scream their lungs out.  Miles 3 through 13 are amazing.  These miles are some of my favorites on he course, because it is a perfect display of what makes this city so damn awesome:  every race, color and creed together, screaming as one for 50,000 strangers of all ability levels from over 100 countries.  At one point, I just had to stop for a moment to soak in the general splendor before waddling on.


Greenpoint is the last neighborhood in Brooklyn before crossing the half way point and entering into Queens.  Queens has a few loud spots – but it’s mostly subdued from miles 13.1 to 14.5.  Then the noise picks up, as if the fans were trying to help you step on the gas to get over the 59th Street Bridge (otherwise known in my home as Mt. Sonofabitch).

The 59th Street Bridge rears its annoying head near mile 15.  This is a tough climb, and it takes a lot out of the runners.  I’ve seen the upward climb here turn into something resembling a zombie movie over the years.  if you are running this race, train with this hill in mind – don’t let it beat you.  If you aren’t prepared for it, it will kick you square in the teeth and set you up for a rough last 10 miles.

As you come down the span of the Bridge, you make the signature turn of the race: a 270 degree left hand turn that throws you onto First Avenue.  The party rolls on here – loudly – for the next couple of miles.  The noise bounces off the buildings and turns the course into a corridor of sound.  It’s one of those spans of the course where you are given a jolt of energy.  However, if you are running this race, do NOT let the fans motivate you to kick up your pace and release your inner Alberto Salazar. You still have work to do.  Stay under control and just enjoy the experience as you work your way north to The Bronx (the only borough of the city so darn awesome that it’s very name contains a “The” in front of it).


Runners cross over into The Bronx via the Willis Avenue Bridge.  The Bronx has a few small twists and turns, but they bring the noise when you enter my hometown.  With the noise comes the attitude that makes this borough so special.  For instance: The DJ playing music right near the mile 20 marker will call you out if he sees you struggling a bit.  “…I see you, number 45867….in that red shirt… YOU GOT THIS!  NOW LETS CRANK THIS UUUUUUPPPP!!!!!!” He would say versions of this over..and over…again.  And trust me: I watched as that runner in that red shirt went from walking to jogging.  Grab some water at the water stop just past Mile 20, and you’ll be greeted with messages like “man, you’ve got this.  Kick this race’s ass.” Wall?  What Wall.  There may be a Wall on this course, but fans in The Bronx want you to knock that thing down.  I left The Bronx feeling better than when I arrived.

When runners leave The Bronx, they cross the mile 22 marker and enter into Harlem.  This section of the course is my absolute favorite.  They take the attitude that just embraced you in The Bronx, and they turn that up another 3 notches.  Runners have just four miles.  Harlem’s fans do not let you forget why you are here.  Time to go to work and get this job done.  The crowds, at points, push onto the course and basically will you around Marcus Garvey Park.  One highlight: the gospel choir.  THAT is an emotional part of the course, and it helps crank you up a bit.  Once the runners hit mile 22.5, a long steady climb begins up 5th Avenue to Engineer’s Gate: the entrance into Central Park.  Rain or shine, cold or windy, the enthusiastic fans come out in droves from here to the finish line.

Rolling hills bring you from the entrance into Central Park to the right hand turn that carries the runners onto Central park South.  Another brief incline at Mile 25.3 gets you to Columbus Circle.  Here, runners re-enter Central Park and head up the west side drive to the finish.  One last hill at mile 26.1 to conquer before you earn your medal.

The rain made this race a bit more difficult, because my gear (including my shoes and socks) were soaked about half way  through the effort.  I could feel the blisters starting by the time I entered The Bronx, which resulted in a slight change in my stride.  That may not sound like a big deal, but a change in the way you run due to discomfort midway through a marathon makes the rest of the race much more challenging, and the added distraction messes with your head a bit.

I elected to receive a runner’s poncho instead of checking a bag this year – and this allowed me to exit the park and head home much quicker.  I think I’ll elect not to check a bag every year from now on.


This was my 12th New York City Marathon in a row.  I haven’t missed one since 2005 (knock on wood).  Each year, the course is the same.  The hills are in the exact same places.  The wind is still there to smack you in the face at the start.  The pain still shows up.  At mile 15 I always zone out as I climb Mt. Sonofabitch.  When it’s all over, I’m sore everywhere.  All of these things occur annually, and they aren’t so warm & fuzzy.  But you know what else hasn’t changed?  The fans.  New Yorkers spill out onto the streets, rain or shine, every year to the tune of 1-2 million just to yell for shlubs like me.  Brooklyn is still….Brooklyn (and that’s a compliment).  First Avenue is still loud.  The Bronx gets better every single year.  Harlem is still marathon holy ground to me.  Spilling into the park is still glorious.  The final 3/10 of a mile is still the greatest 3/10’s of a mile in the sport of running.  And there is always that moment of two after the medal is hung around your neck where you stop and look around at the people that you ran alongside – complete strangers hours ago, now all carrying that glow that comes from not giving up, embracing the suck, seeing a goal through…and standing in the park, quiet and victorious.



The 2017 NYC 60k in Central Park

Every year, two weeks after the TCS New York City Marathon, the New York Road Runners hold their sole ultramarathon of the year: The New York City 60k.  This is a 37.2 mile endeavor that takes runners around….and around….and around….and around….Central Park.  For the uninitiated: Central Park consists of three specific “loops”.  The Lower Loop consists of a 1.7 mile road that goes in an oval from the southernmost part of the park to the 72nd street transverse.  The Middle Loop consists of a 4 mile oval from the 72nd street transverse to the 104th Street transverse.  The Upper Loop goes from the 104th Street Transverse around Harlem Hills.  One entire loop of park translates to about 6-6.1 miles.

On Saturday morning, at 8am, I’m going to try to complete this 60k.  I’ve tried three times, and I’ve failed three times.  Twice I’ve failed because I lacked the stamina – I was still too burnt out on running after the marathon.  Once – I lacked the heart.  I just quit on myself.  That’s been gnawing at me all year – the fact that this is the only race that I have ever DNF’d is irritating enough.  The fact that I DNF’d last year simply because I lacked the damn heart to push myself through discomfort is causing me to chomp at the bit for this race. In 2015, I pushed myself well past what I thought was my limit with regard to endurance or pain threshold.  I was hit by a car, and kept going.  I came face to face with a mountain lion, and I kept going.  I injured myself more than once, and I kept going.  Needless to say – this year I have some unfinished business.

I’m going to be representing two teams during this race.  The first is Do Away With SMA – my charity that I started in 2014 to honor my brothers and fight Spinal Muscular Atrophy, the number one genetic killer of kids under the age of two in the world.  The second is the New York Road Runners team for Kids – the charity that provides running programs for kids in an effort to fight childhood obesity.  Both are solid causes, and both can use any assistance you’d care to donate.  I’m asking you to consider a donation to either cause, for both of them are doing their best to help those that need it.  Any donation will help their missions.  Here’s the information, if you are interested in contributing:

Do Away With SMA:    Do Away With SMA

Team for Kids:    New York Road Runners Team for Kids

I’ll be posting live on Facebook on Saturday, just to give you all the jist of what this type of race is like during my 9 laps around Central Park.  Wish me luck…I’m going to need it!!!


Thoughts From the 2017 Marine Corps Marathon

On Sunday, October 22nd, I ran the 2017 Marine Corps Marathon in Washington, DC.  I’ve been having sleeping issues over the past few weeks, so I felt a bit under-trained coming into this race…and then life decided to split 8’s and double down on the challenge when I began getting nauseous and extremely congested the evening before the race.  My charity team – Do Away With SMA (“DAWS”, for short) had four runners competing in the marathon, myself being one of them.  As President of the charity, I really felt a duty to suck it up and fight through whatever evil microscopic annoyance turning my stomach into the biological equivalent of Disney’s California Screamin’.

The marathon expo was held at the Gaylord National in Arlington, VA.  Obtaining the bib and race shirt was an extremely quick and seamless process.  The long sleeve shirts issued to every runner have always had a reputation for being of the highest quality – and this year was no exception.  The race gear contained a decent selection of designs – but Large and Extra Large sizes were unavailable by Saturday morning.  So – note to 2018 runners – go to the expo on Friday if you are looking for large or extra large jackets and quarter-zip shirts.



Getting to the starting line on Sunday morning was a simple process, as I stayed at the Hampton Inn across the street from the Gaylord National, and the marathon ran buses from the race’s home resort to the runners village beginning at 4:30am.  Another note to 2018 runners: pack a throw-away sweatshirt, as early morning temperatures can get into the mid 40’s in mid October (I didn’t pack anything to keep me warm, and I couldn’t get the chill out of my chest until the race began.  Two hours of standing in the cold, unprepared).  Once we headed to the starting line, the sun decided to show up, taking some of the chill out of the air.


A parachute team flew the American flag in to the starting line as the anthem played.  This was followed by an amazing flyover…and then the howitzer went off, starting the long march to the finish line.




Within the first two miles, there are several hills – so be ready for that and stay under control early on – don’t go out too fast, or else this course will punish you in a way that other races can only dream of.  As it was, I felt solid early on pace-wise, even struggling through the congestion.  The one thing on my mind during those first few miles was my like of fuel in my stomach, as that evil microscopic annoyance basically yelled “EVERYBODY OUT!” about an hour after dinner Saturday night.  The good internal vibes existed up until mile 9….and then I began to feel like I was already running on empty.  Not a good point in the race to feel like this.  Yet another note to 2018 runners: make sure you take in calories 2 hours  before race time – top off your tank – because you’ll need the energy later.

By Mile 10, I knew this wasn’t going to be my day.  I was coughing a lot, and felt like I didn’t take in enough water – remember that water stations are every 2 miles, not every single mile like lots of other marathons.  This was something else I didn’t plan for – and not knowing the distance between water stops was a pure rookie mistake on my part.  Mile 10, however, provided the runners with a view of the Lincoln Memorial and the sounds of the Marine Band.  This lifted me up a bit – and I was already beginning to need the motivation.  As it turns out, one of the most amazing moments of the race was just ahead of me.

If you really want to know where the heart and soul of this race resides, it beats within the Blue Mile, which begins at Mile Marker 12. To the left and right of the runners’ lane were plaques with fallen soldiers’ pictures, names and ranks. It went on for what felt like 3/4 of a mile. Any chatting between runners ceased the moment you crossed into this part of the course. You could literally hear a pin drop. Some runners stopped in front specific plaques, lowered their heads in silent prayer, and then Marined Up and soldiered on. At the end of this 3/4 mile tribute, family and friends of the fallen held American flags on either side of the course and yelled inspiration to us all…….for what felt like another 3/4 of a mile. If this part of the course didn’t lite your fire, then quite simply your pilot light is out. I get chills just thinking about it 48 hours later.

At Mile 17, the course brings you onto The Mall, where you enjoy the views of hte Capital Building, The Smithsonian, and other awesome museums.  It was at this point where I met Al.  Al is pretty amazing, as he has completed all 42 of the Marine Corps Marathons, from 1976 to present.  I said my hello and congratulations on this incredible streak.  His response was simple “…it keeps me young!” It was a quick exchange – but one that was pretty awesome.


By Mile 19, I felt like I wanted to quit.  I had been fighting this feeling most of the morning, but by this point it almost overwhelmed me.  Thank Zues that a marine happened to be there at that moment and began to yell encouragement.  “Time to suck it up!!!  REMEMBER WHY YOU’RE HERE!” I must have heard those words from a number of Marines throughout the race – and those are the words I’m embracing as my mantra from now on.  They got me through the final 7 miles, and up the final hill at mile 26.1.

After I received my medal, I waddled over to the water / gatorade station. During my walk, I met a man who was in his late 60’s / early 70’s. He was standing alone under a tree and looked somber. I asked if he was OK, and he said that he was fine – but the toughest part of his day comes next. I asked him to elaborate. His response “I’m going to visit my brother in Arlington right now – he’s earning one more medal.” I congratulated him on finishing and left him to his duties. Another moment I will never – ever – forget.

The race is not easy. Lots of concrete. A congested start / first mile. Not much shade. Temperatures that began at 45 degrees and went to 80 in 4 hours. Hills early in the course sap you more than you realize. It’s a hard race – but it’s the hard that makes it great.

A HUGE OORAH to my teammates, and everyone that supported us.

Enough Procrastinating…..

It’s been a while since I posted here, so I’ll keep the summary quick:

Training so far this year has gone fairly well.  I’ve begun to take my education into the the sport of triathlon seriously, wanting to learn as much of the details as possible to become a better athlete.  I realized that the best way to enhance my own understanding of the proper triathlon training and fueling / hydration processes was to take a course.  I wasn’t sure which one of which one to start with – so I first needed to expand my field of mental vision: I needed to think bigger picture.  If I went through with this and pursued an education into the sport…what else could I do with it aside from getting my slow butt across an Ironman finish line (or two…or three…or four…)?

The result was signing up for the Certified Ironman Coach course.  The course itself was extremely detailed, and the two part final exam was not easy by any stretch of the imagination.  However, I worked hard, read a lot, and studied.  Part two of the final turned into a 21-page written exam that was VERY detailed and demanding.  I can’t honestly say how long it took me to complete – but just seeing it through to the end was a feat for me, so regardless of whether I passed for failed, I learned a TON.  When I found out I passed and scored my certification, I got really psyched.  You know how sometimes you need to score a win or two in order to get on a roll?  Well that’s what I hope this does for me.  Only time will tell.

Like I said: I want to use the information I learned to help myself, and if I can help others in the process – AWESOME.

Ironman Cert 1Ironman Cert 2.jpg

Now that I have taken this step, I’m going to continue my education into fitness by earning a Personal Trainer certification from the National academy of Sports Medicine.  I am also going to work toward my Level One Coaching certification from USA Triathlon.  These will take a bit more time – but this process has reminded me just how much I loved to learn and study.  So for now….one step at a time.

I was signed up for the New York City Triathlon on Sunday, July 16th….but some severe knee pain (something that I haven’t felt in a VERY long time) has resulted in some high-quality inflammation and a pain migraine caused me to defer to next year.  I am so disappointed about this.  However, I need to continue to think big-picture and heal now so that I can finish Marine Corps in October, the NYC Marathon and the NYC 60k in November, and the California International Marathon in December.  So I know I made the right call…..but I am not happy about it.  especially after going through the athlete briefing and picking up my gear, etc for it.  The expo got be psyched to take another shot at this Olympic-length race.

Moving on….another thing I have been busy working on is something I’ve kept to myself for a while – but now that it’s very close to completion, I wanted to share a little of it with you: I am in the process of finishing my first book.  It’s the story of the 500 mile endurance run I finished in 2015, from the Walt Disney Family Museum in the Presidio of San Francisco to the front gates of Disneyland for charity.  I’m hoping that the book will bring a little more attention to Do Away With SMA, a 501c-3 charity that tries to raise money and awareness to combat Spinal Muscular Atrophy – the number one genetic killer of kids under the age of two in the world.  This process has been tough….but enlightening.  I figured I’d share some of it with you.  Looking back on 2015, it was 18 of the toughest days of my life.  I was battered and bruised – but it was worth every ache.  I hope you like it……so without further adieu:

It was one of those days where nothing felt right.  My shoes were uncomfortable – the rough terrain took a toll on my feet.  My legs felt like lead due to the lack of practice I had running on soft dirt, high grass and uneven / rough ground.  I didn’t take in enough water as the miles added up, so dehydration slowly worked its way into this witch’s brew of frustration.  I have already logged well over 200 miles, I got a love-tap from a Toyota Forerunner, and I hissed at a mountain lion.  I knew the physical aspects of this long-distance would continue to show their ugly faces, but it was the mental part of this game that felt like it had grown out of control.  I couldn’t get out of my own head.  I kept thinking of my past, reliving every stupid thing I did – every dumb decision I made.  Every person I hurt as a result of my selfish character.  I wasn’t sleeping well.  I couldn’t get the visions out of my clouded skull.  While cranking out miles this morning, the mental and physical challenges decided to tag-team me.

Back home in New York City, I use training as a method of controlling other emotions.  If I feel depressed or melancholy, I put in some miles and let those wonderful endorphins work their magic.  If I wake up feeling a bit off, I run – and I come home with things feeling a bit clearer.  If something upsets me at work or otherwise, I put in miles on the bike or do some strength training in order to redirect my negativity.  The daily pounding handed out by the road over the past 200 miles shredded my ability to effectively utilize my normal attitude adjustment rituals.  I was used to being sore – it was the normal state of affairs.  I grew to love the dull ache that I lived with.  This, however, was different.  I was not sore; this, instead, was pain.  A pain that kept me up each night.  My ribs were still sore from getting hit by that truck.  My legs hurt to the touch.  My arms and back made trying to sleep extremely difficult due to the constant motion that comes with running more than 7-8 hours a day.  In short: I was worn out, and about 6 and a half hours in to my day I simply broke down on the side of the road.  As I sat there in the dust truly wanting to call it quits, I thought back to 2005 and my first marathon.  Yet another dark period that I couldn’t climb out of – but one that also provided me with a glimmer of hope that I desperately needed.

Looking back on it, November 6th 2005 was one of the greatest – and one of the worst – days of my life.   For on that Sunday morning, I finally felt like I had turned a corner from the darkest periods of my life, and began to feel a glimmer of inner peace I so desperately desired, by putting myself through a near-death experience over a course of 26.2 miles of pavement that lay between the Varrazanno Bridge and Tavern on the Green.  Emil Zatopek, the legendary Czech distance running champion, was once quoted as saying that “if you want to simply win something, go run 100 meters.  But if you want to experience a life-changing event, run a marathon”.  Truer words were never spoken.

A few years after my daughter was born, the ugliness that encased our small family unit came to a messy end.  I lost my wife to a peaceful yet extremely painful divorce.  I lost primary custody of my little buddy – my kiddo – my daughter (and losing custody of her felt like the 7th ring of Dante’s Inferno in and of itself).  I lost my home because I constantly over-promised and under-delivered, which resulted in severe financial over extension.  I lived in a small basement apartment and felt as though my life was worthless – as if I had nothing to offer anyone and was technically worth more dead than alive.  I attempted to end it all – and failed, and all manner of self-respect evaporated.  I was embarrassed to associate with friends, as I felt like I had failed them too – I wasn’t the same quality person they grew up on the baseball diamond and football field with.

Each day I woke up utterly rudderless, and climbed back into bed each evening feeling the same exact way.  Something needed to snap me out of this, because I wasn’t in the mental state to do it myself.

The failures that I experienced were not new to me.  I had seen these types of poor decision-making first hand on a number of occasions under my own roof growing up.  I was once the seven year-old child that watched my parents divorce under a horrid set of circumstances. I also played the part of a thirteen year-old boy that watched his father divorce his second wife and marry his third over the course of a summer.  As a 20 year-old, I watched from the bleacher seats as my father divorced wife number three and moved on to wife number four.

After experiencing the pain that an ugly divorce inflicts, I vowed to never let my children endure the same pain….and here I was.  The fear of putting my daughter in the same position that I experienced as a child raised its horrid head.

My ex-wife and my daughter moved to Queens, and my daughter enrolled in a more challenging Catholic school in Woodside.  The combination of a broken family and greater academic competition resulted in Chelsea feeling very discouraged, to the point that, one Friday evening when I picked her up for a Daddy-Kiddo weekend, she walked toward the car in tears.  We sat in my Jeep, and spoke about what troubled her.  “Dad”, she softly murmured, “…..this school is too hard.  I can’t do it.  I want to quit.”  If you ever heard your child utter those words, you know how they make a parent feel: it’s as if some villain from an X-Men movie reached through your skin and grabbed your heart in his malformed hand, and began to squeeze.  Those words were crushing….but they also woke me up out of a coma of self-pity.

That was the moment that reminded me that I have a duty to someone other than myself, to be a good parent regardless of what curveballs like throws at me.  My mom saw so many sliders in the dirt that she must have gotten furious in the batter’s box, wondering when the darn pitcher of life would throw her a nice fat fastball to crush.  She didn’t give up.  She didn’t try to off herself.  She saw what needed to be done and she DID it.  And here I was, trying to quit and take the easy way out for myself, leaving my daughter and my mom to grieve due to my cowardess.   Seeing my daughter’s tear roll down her dimpled cheeks was the wake-up call I needed.

As we sat there in the truck, I told her that I understood how hard school could be, and that every kid feels the way she felt at certain times.  I tried to console her, saying that she could do anything – there was nothing out of her reach in this life.  All she needed to do was work hard and try hard…and never quit.  At that moment, I went on to make her a simple deal: if Chelsea would do something hard for me – try harder, work harder, and study harder, then I would do something hard for her.  “…but Dad – what will you do?” she softly inquired.  I told her that she could elect the feat that I would strive toward.

Two weeks later, when I picked her up in front of her mom’s apartment on a Friday evening, Chelsea had a big smile on her face.  She cracked open the door to the Jeep and couldn’t wait to tell me the news – but first, a few questions needed to be answered.  The conversation went something like this:

“Dad….what’s a marathon?”

“Well kiddo, it’s a really long road race.  Like over 20 miles or something.  Why?”

“Do you think you can run one?”

“Well bud, anyone probably could, if they trained right.  …..why?”

“Dad, are there any marathons in New York?”

……..oh…….crap.  I see where this is going……..

“…why yes, kiddo.  The New York City Marathon is one of the biggest in the world.  It’s on TV and everything.  So again, I’ll ask……ummmmmm……WHY?”

“Well Dad, I made the decision.  I learned a little about the marathon today in school.  The whole thing about Greece, and that runner guy who ran to Athens…..and you know how you promised to do something hard for me? WEEEEEEELLL…….can you run the New York City Marathon?”

OK – this is the moment where I was a duck on the pond: I looked calm on the outside, but under the water my little webbed feet were moving 90 miles an hour trying to come up with any reason at all why this wasn’t a great idea. Aaaaaaaaaaaand…….NOTHING CAME TO MIND.


She very happily strapped herself in to the back seat and we set off for the Bronx.  I signed up for the marathon lottery that evening.  Unfortunately, I wasn’t selected through the lottery to run, so I took whatever money I had available and signed up to run for the New York Road Runners Foundation by making a specific donation to the charity.  I didn’t have much money in the bank – but what price can a parent place on being a role model for your kid?  I felt it was the right move at the time.

All summer and fall, I’d take myself out for simple runs in old sneakers.  Did I wear good running shoes?  Nope.  Did I know anything about nutrition?  Pizza is a food group – so I think you can make your own determination there.  Did I know anything about proper hydration?  I’ll just grab some water when I’m thirsty – what’s so hard about that?  Did I follow any type of training plans?  Put it this way: I went to Barnes & Noble and bought Marathon Running For Dummies…..and then proceeded to leave it on my coffee table for weeks at a time, assuming that I’d learn what needed to be done via osmosis.  By Halloween, the longest run I ever completed was somewhere around 8 miles.  But other than that….I was ready for this.

That morning in November of 2005, my alarm clock began its job at 4am.  At first, the slow-paced beep it exuded was polite in tone – as if to say, “Joseph, please awaken from your slumber – you have a long day ahead and you must get started”.  How gentle.  So gentle, in fact, that I ignored the little digital apparatus altogether.  I figured that it wouldn’t mind.  I figured wrong.

After a full minute of my clock’s polite banter, it began to get annoyed with my obvious laziness.  So it did what any parent does to a child that won’t come to the dinner table after several summons – it took a more stern tone with the object of its growing frustration.  The beeps became louder and quicker, as if to say “Look – I don’t like being ignored, Joe.  So get up.  Now.  I’m not joking.  Move it.  And don’t make me ask you again, or else….”  I hadn’t slept very well – I tossed and turned all night out of sheer nervousness and excitement.  I managed to fall asleep three hours prior – so this alarm clock was really being quite disrespectful and, as a result, did not deserve my attention, in my humble opinion.  So I covered my ears with a pillow, knowing that it had no snooze button (I had broken it by throwing a sneaker at it a month ago).  It had now become a battle of wills.

Then – it happened.  My clock lost all patience with me at exactly 4:02am.  The beeps became loud and fast enough to pierce the down pillows, enter my inner ear and travel down my spine.  It felt like being awakened by your worst enemy running his fingernails across a chalkboard.  “GET UP RIGHT NOW, YOU LAZY SCHMUCK” said the clock.  My resolve to stay hidden under warm blankets had finally been broken by Sony.  I slowly wiped the sleepers from my eyes, reached over and shut off the alarm.  The sudden silence was soothing.

Before I went to bed, I had laid out my running clothes: my extremely worn yet still functional black technical shirt, a pair of black running shorts, a pair of knit gloves, thick socks, and my weather-beaten running shoes.  The race bib was attached to my shirt already.  I had charged my Ipod.  I had done all of the prep work the night before – so this morning should be easy.  All I had to do was get up and get dressed.  I swung my legs over the side of the bed, saying to myself – “Motion creates emotion”.  The day I had had spent the past six months training for had arrived.  Sunday, November 6th, 2005: The ING New York City Marathon.

I jumped into the shower and basked in the soothing hot water that cascaded on my head and shoulders.  Realizing that I needed to wake myself up, I turned the water from hot to cold, and was jolted to life by the temperature change.  That got the heart pumping.  I finished my shower and went continued the Marathon Morning routine: I applied Body Glide to my inner thighs to defend against the chaffing that was bound to happen in a race of this kind, shaved, brushed my teeth and hair, and changed into my racing garments.  Knowing that the day’s temperature was expected to hit 60 degrees – but it was only 40 right now – I threw on an old jacket, grabbed my bag and bottles of Gatorade, and closed the front door behind me.  I inhaled a deep breath of the cold pre-dawn air and walked to the curb, to await my morning chauffer…my mother.

J.R.R. Tolkien once wrote that “it’s a dangerous thing, stepping out your front door”.  That exact quote rattled through my brain as I walked to the curb, and for good reason: the first person to ever complete the run that I was about to undertake dropped dead at the finish.  The legend is told that Emperor Darius of the Persians (circa 500 BC) attempted to take over ancient Greece through invasion.  The Athenians found out about the coming invasion, and sent troops to intercept.  Sure enough, Darius had his ships make ground in the Bay of Marathon and a great battle ensued.  The Athenians – fierce warriors who loved their country and the freedom it provided, defeated the mighty Persian army and drove the invaders back to the sea.  With the victory well in hand, the Athenian general dispatched a runner named Phillipedes to Athens with news of the triumph.  Phillipedes ran the twenty five miles from Marathon to Athens as fast as he could, arrived at the foot of the Athenian throne, and pronounced “Rejoice!  Victory!”….and then he dropped dead at the feet of his king.

Now – fast-forward approximately 2,300 years.  It’s 1896, and the first Olympic Games were being held in Athens.  It was decided that, on the last day of the Olympiad, a group of athletes would run in the footsteps of Phillipedes, from the town of Marathon to the Coliseum in Athens.  The winner of the first marathon was a Greek runner…and more than half of the athletes could not finish.  Word of the Greek runner’s victory spread throughout the country and stirred a sense of deep nationalism.  Word of the difficulty of the event spread throughout the world – and the allure of the event now called the marathon began to take shape.

As word of the marathon carried from city to city through newspaper reporting, cities began organizing their own marathons (in the United States, the first – and now widely considered the most prestigious – marathon was run in Boston).  Marathons run in other cities became very popular events to attend.  Interest in this form of long distance running began to take shape.

OK – grab your remote control again and fast forward 12 years.  It’s now 1908, and the games of the fourth Olympiad were being held in London, England.  The committee of people responsible for scheduling all of the events mapped out the twenty five mile course that would take the marathon runners through the streets of the great English city.  When the plans were laid in front of Queen Victoria, she demanded that the start of the race be moved back one mile and 385 yards so that the royal family could watch the start of the race from the balcony of Windsor Castle.  This change in the marathon route resulted in the current length of the modern day marathon: 26.2 miles.  (NOTE: if you ever find yourself on the sidelines of a marathon, cheering on the masses, I would recommend finding a spot near the mile 25 marker.  Why?  Because marathoners that know the race’s history tend to vocalize their disdain for the added 1.2 miles by yelling “God insert expletive here the Queen!)

My Mom had volunteered to drive me to Battery Park, where numerous buses waited to take thousands of runners from Manhattan to Fort Wadsworth in Staten Island – the staging area for the race.  As she hopped into her Mercedes to chauffer me down the East Side, I felt both guilt (at the fact that she was awake at 5am on a Sunday) and fear (because I wanted my effort today to make her proud, and I had no clue whether I’d be able to handle what was in store for me).  As we began to drive over the City Island Bridge on our way to the Bruckner Expressway, she asked me several times if I had everything I needed, including a MetroCard (just in case you cannot finish and you need a way home) and some money (just in case you cannot finish and you need to call everyone and let them know).  That’s my Mom – always worried about everyone else but herself.  Would help anyone in need.  Always wants to make sure that her family is taken care of and is safe.  She was nervous.  So was I.  So I simply told her not to worry, and that I had what I needed.  In a way, I lied.  But in a way, I didn’t.

I technically lied to her that morning because I made sure that I didn’t bring a MetroCard or money with me.  Why?  Because I wouldn’t need them.  I was going to finish.  I had my running shoes, good socks, a bottle of water, some horrid-tasting gels, and a ton of determination.  That was all I needed.  Or so I hoped.

We arrived at Battery Park at 5:50am – just minutes before the first starting line buses were scheduled to depart.  My Mom wished me luck, and I told her I’d see her at the finish line.  As I watched her drive away, I realized that I was really going through with this.  I was really about to embark on the second most difficult experience of my life – I was about to run the New York City Marathon.

I took a deep breath, turned on my heel and headed to the bus.  As I stood on line, waiting to board along with other nervous runners, I kept thinking to myself that if I could handle everything else that I went through over the prior couple of years, I could handle the ordeal that I was about to put myself through.  What could be worse than making so many foolish mistakes that it costs you your very soul?  I figured that if I was somehow able to handle that torment and still remember to breath in and out on a daily basis, my rather robust personal goals for this marathon should, in fact, be a piece of cake.  Famous last words.

The bus took an hour to make it to the runner drop-off point in Fort Wadsworth, in Staten Island.  For the next several hours, I tried to stay warm by hunkering down up against a tree and removing myself from the winds that carried with them that extra level of cold that seeps through your clothing.  The rolling start that followed was a long, cold march to the line, and then over the Varrazanno Bridge.  It is on the span of this structure where the runners are able to see the Manhattan skyline in the distance, putting the sheer distance of this race into optical perspective.  Once over the bridge, the runners pass through Bay Ridge, Brooklyn.  This is where the journey really begins, as fans 2-3 deep on both sides of the 4th Avenue yell and scream for a band of complete strangers during what some people refer to as the “Worst…..Parade…..Ever”.  Bands play every type of music you can think of short of yodeling.  New Yorkers basically turn this course into a 26 mile block party, and it’s a perfect illustration of why the Big Apple is so amazing: every race, color and creed are represented both in the field of runners and in the 2.5 million spectators and volunteers that line the streets.  No one cares if you are Irish, Black, Ecuadorian, Swiss.  We’re just all New Yorkers on that day, with 50,000 of them with the task of trying to make it 26.2 miles and 2.5 million of them with the collective goal of helping these people achieve a huge goal.  Seriously – it’s magical when you think about it.

I waddled through Brooklyn, and made it to Queens before my wheels started to come off.  I had never run this distance before, and I still had 12 miles to go.  For some reason, I had begun to chafe in some sensitive areas, and my shoulders were sore from the swinging motion of my arms.  By the time I got over the 59th Street Bridge and into Manhattan, I was in a world of hurt.  Blisters had begun to form on the sides of my feet, and I began to feel light-headed.  I definitely didn’t take in enough water, and all I had for breakfast was a single bagel and some water.  Hindsight being 20-20, I made most mistakes that runners could possibly make… a single race.  I managed to get myself across the Willis Avenue Bridge, where Mile 20 resided.  Mile 20 is technically referred to by the distance running community as The Wall, since it is estimated that most runners run out of efficient-burning fuel (carbohydrates) at this point.  The body flips a switch and begins burning fat, which is much less efficient – and this results in a whole array of funky things in runners.  Some get dizzy.  Some get weak.  Some have a hard time focusing.  Others power through it since they stuck to a fueling plan and took in the right amount of additional fuel during the race.  I’ll give you one guess as to how I felt at this point (and, keep in mind, I had never even tried a gel before this day).

Shortly after I passed the Mile 20 marker, there was a water stop.  I grabbed a cup of water out of sheer desperation, as the weariness and discomfort I had carried with me for the past couple of hours escalated into a level of pain that made me begin to panic.  Something was really wrong.  It hit me quick, with bad intentions – like a Mike Tyson left hook to the jaw.  I couldn’t focus.  I began to feel dizzy.  Really dizzy.  Things became blurry…..and then it happened.  As my right foot came down onto the street during this blurry few moments, I didn’t realize the small pothole that was directly in front of me.  As I was running very close to the curb, my foot went into the hole, and I fell forward, hitting my head on the concrete.  Things went black for a minute.

I had scraped my knees and the palms of my hands, and there was a bit of blood from a cut on my forehead, along with a decent-sized knot which immediately began to form.  I got to my hands and knees and paused for a moment….and it was in these few precious seconds that a very large Hispanic man kneeled next to me and, in Spanish, began to yell “GET UP!!!!!!  GET UP!!!!!!! LETS GO!!!!  GET UP!!!”  The voice was so loud and so close that it jarred me awake.  I shook the fall off, got back to my feet, and basically continued to waddle forward out of a knee-jerk reaction.

The rest of the marathon was a complete blur.  I don’t recall running through Harlem.  I don’t remember that amazing gospel choir at the base of the Fifth Avenue Hill.  I don’t have a single picture in my head of the Central Park hills on that day, Central Park South, or even the finish at Tavern on the Green.  I was a hobbling, bloody mess after 26.2 miles – but I survived.  A volunteer draped a medal over my head, and I waddled on to the UPS van that held my bag of dry clothes.  After I picked up my bag, I worked my way out of the park to the spot where I was supposed to meet my mom and my daughter.  When she saw me, my kiddo jumped into my arms and I got the single greatest hug a dad could ever score.  She then looked at me and uttered “ummmm Dad – you look crappy.” It was at this moment that I put her down, dropped to one knee and put my medal around her neck.  “Now, buddy – you can do anything if you don’t quit.  Got it?”

Well I think she got the point, because she went from a struggling student to straight A’s and entrance into a fairly strong high school.  My mission: accomplished.  Although I was battered, bruised and physically beaten, this was the day I fell in love with running.

Fast forward ten years.  Here I am fighting through some of the same pain that made my first marathon such a vivid memory all through the miles I logged.  I felt like quitting today.  Today the road beat me, badly.  It beat me physically and it tortured me emotionally.  That was when I found that vacant egg shack along the side of a dusty road and I stopped.  I dropped to the wooden floor of the shack and I broke down.  Robyn was on her way to me – I tried to describe where I was, and I had faith in her navigating talents – but I didn’t want her to find me so quickly.  I wanted to hide in this shack for a while and feel sorry for myself.  I was running out of gas, and I was running out of enthusiasm.  I trained for well over a year to handle the mileage, but I was not prepared for the emotional turmoil that came with this journey.  My daughter and Robyn’s daughter were coming to join the expedition in just a few days, so after several minutes of tears and sobbing, I tried to think of a way to fix my head.

After we returned to the hotel and we grabbed a hot meal, I retired to my room and spent some time doing emotional triage.  It was then that it hit me: I will pull a Jimmy Valvano.  His motto of “survive and advance” was my motto throughout the darkest days, and it would once again be called upon to get me through the next 200 miles.

Survive today.  Advance to tomorrow.  All the rest is white noise.

Kolinsky  2017

March 31st and April 1st 2017

So Friday was a self-imposed rest day.  All I focused on was my nutrition….but going out to a fairly awesome Italian restaurant doesn’t help matters.  Now I could sit here and say that I was disciplined – I ordered the branzino and fresh veggies for dinner instead of the fried calamari and fresh pasta with a delightful meat sauce……but that would be a lie.  Friday was a complete cheat day.  Workouts be damned.  Dietary discipline: screw you.  I did absolutely nothing right as it pertained to training for July 29th.  What is July 29th?  Glad you asked.

ironman vineman 230x120 1

It’s now referred to as Ironman Santa Rosa…but the race remains the same.  Swim 2.4 miles.  Bike 112 miles.  Run 26.2 miles.  Brag for the rest of your life.  I have to be able to swim 4,400 yards in less than 2 hours and twenty minutes.  I have to bike 112 miles and then be out there beginning the marathon by no later than 5:30pm.  I have top then finish the marathon before midnight.  That’s the task in front of me.  So why in the name of Zues’ hindquarters did I think that treating myself to that second glass of super tuscan and that awesome amaretto gelato (yeah, I had that too) was a good idea?  Because every once in a while, you need to reward yourself with something awesome.  Small victories deserve to be celebrated.  The only thing missing was a glass of amaretto.  (good thing I had a flask with me…)

This morning I was really dialed in.  I began with a strength training session where I keyed on upper body conditioning.  Upper body strength will be important because the stress of swimming that distance will wear out my shoulders and arms.  The bike’s 112 miles will sap strength from my chest, arms and back as I hold myself up on Maximus (that’s the name os my bike) (yes- I named my bike) (and yes, It’s named Maximus…I tell dudes that I got the name from the movie Gladiator, when I actually named it after the horse from the Disney animated film Tangled).  The run will require me to finish the long day by swinging my arms like pistons while bent at the elbow at a 90 degree angle for approximately 5 hours.  So lifting those weights really matters.

After I lifted , I hopped on the bike for an hour.  I did a 15 minute warm up, followed by 45 minutes of hard interval training.  I worked on 30-60 second extremely hard internals, because while on the bike, I need to be able to sprint past the bike in front of me within 30 seconds of making my move on a bike in front of me, or else I could be hit with a 5 minute penalty.  Today was one of those high quality sessions that showed me that I have the juice to get that portion of the job done – and done well.  I then hopped on the dreadmill for a quick 2 mile run just to make sure that my legs can transition from one discipline to the other with some form of efficiency.  Today’s training all had a purpose – and that made the difference in my performance.

It’s funny: a few weeks ago, I had a colonoscopy done at the age of 46.  It’s a few years early – but my dad had colorectal cancer more than once, so I have a genetic predisposition.  Two the things that had to be biopsied from this procedure took two separate testing sessions of testing before determining a benign status.  that 7-9 days of purgatory scared the crap out of me.  A few or to later, I am having a rather long needle jabbed into my chest to test a lump that resides in between my pectoral muscles.  The verdict is out – and another week spent in the in-between.

It’s funny: why does it take a 4″ syringe jabbed into your chest to remind you that yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, and today’s a gift…which is why it’s called a present.  Sometimes a person needs a swift kick in the glutes in order to dial in and focus on the tasks that need to be accomplished.  I’m sure the joy will come back with a positive verdict…however that’s not the point.  I shouldn’t need to be scared out of my wits in order to appreciate the here and now.

I need to take the lesson learned and allow it to further improve how I do what I do going forward.

(OK – so I read through this whole post, and realized that it was rather direct and not-so-funny.  So I’ll end it with a joke:A horse walks in to a bar. The bartender says “hey – why the long face?”)

(hmmm….that wasn’t so funny.  OK – I’ll try again.  Moses and Jesus are playing golf.  Moses pulls out the driver and crushes a drive 250 yards down the center of the fairway. He smiles at Jesus, and then says “you’re up”.  Jesus pulls out his driver and snap hooks his drive into the woods.  Moses lets out a laugh – “wow, the woods are lovely this time of year – have fun trying to find that one, you Ben Hogan wanna be!”  At that moment Jesus raises his arms to heavens….and then a stream appears to run across the fairway, originating from the woods.  And there, swimming in the stream, is a bass.  The bass has a golf ball in his mouth.  At that moment, a hawk swoops down, grabs the bass and takes off.  The bass drops the ball, it falls from the sky and lands on the green…where it rolls into the hole for a hole in one.  Jesus lowers his arms, looks at Moses and smiles.  Moses then pauses for a moment, and then blurts out “….OK LOOK – ARE WE GONNA PLAY GOLF OR ARE WE JUST GONNA FUCK AROUND????”)


….ok – now I can sign off for the evening.






March 30th 2017

So today was interesting, to say the least.  I had a simple medical procedure yesterday, so I’m a little sore still this morning.  My chest felt tight.  The morning workout consisted of a light run, followed by some upper body strength training.  My performance was…..well….lackluster at best.  It was if I was simply going through the motions.  The plan was to score a high quality running effort in the morning by crushing some hill repeats in Central Park.  That plan was quickly changed to a light run followed by upper body work due to the residual discomfort from having a decent-sized needle jabbed into my chest.  Everybody has a plan until they get punched in the mouth.  Hmmmm…..maybe that Mike Tyson has some wisdom after all…….

I took midday off, and focused on taking in more water and less calories.  Nutrition – otherwise known as The 4th Discipline (seriously, that sounds like the title of a crappy karate movie starring that dude that played Sho Nuff in the Last Dragon) was my in-office workout.

I spent a few hours in the gym this evening, starting with a strength workout for the legs, then a lite run of 2 miles with interval sprints baked in, and wrapping up with an hour on the bike.

The day started rough, and ended well.  And to celebrate: 2 slices of NYC pizza and a glass of wine.  Why?  Because I earned it.  (insert mic drop here).